Returning to sex is not merely downing a glass of wine with a hope and a prayer that all will work out for the best. Just like an athlete returns to their sport with a detailed rehabilitation plan, a person’s vagina recovering from birth can follow a plan to return to sex with confidence that it will be pleasurable instead of awkward and painful. After all, sex is a workout for your pelvic floor muscles, so a little training for the event at hand goes a long way.

Kate Roddy (MPHTY, BscKin), registered pelvic physiotherapist and creator of the Kegel Release Curve advises women to follow this 5-step plan. Read along and get your back-to-the-bedroom game plan in check!

1) TAKE A LOOK:

Grab a hand mirror and inspect your vulva and vaginal entrance.

is it swollen?
is it red?
can you still see a healing tear or episiotomy wound?

If YES, sex will not go smoothly. The area is still healing and needs some more time.
If NO, proceed to step 2.

2) LIGHT TOUCH:

With just your finger, start lightly pressing on your labias and just around the entrance of your vagina/perineum. Keep the touch to just your external vulva.

is it painful?
do you feel discomfort?
are you afraid to touch certain spots for fear of pain?

If YES, this tissue is still healing and needs more time for you to keep touching it to get it ready for more penetrative touch. Sensitive tissue can be desensitized the more we touch it and re-familiarize it. Sex is still not advised at this stage. If NO, proceed to step 3.

3) INTERNAL TOUCH AND PULL:

Hook a thumb or finger just inside your vaginal entrance and lightly pull to create a stretch on your perineum/vaginal entrance.

is it painful?
is there one area that causes more pain than another?
do you feel your body tensing up?

If YES, postpartum sex is not a good idea yet. Your tissue is responding to stretch in a way that is sending pain signals and apprehension. Spend some more time yourself with your perineum to down-regulate touch and stretch. If NO, proceed to step 4.

4) SCAR TISSUE DESENSITIZATION:

If you had a vaginal tear of any degree or episiotomy, the scar is going to need some extra touch, stretch, and desensitization before sex is comfortable. Using your thumb, finger or Kegel Release Curve, start to massage, pull, and stretch the scar so it becomes more familiar with the feelings it will encounter during penetrative intercourse.

is this painful?

If YES, spend more time doing it until it feels like other areas of your perineum. If NO or you don’t have any scars from tears or an episiotomy, proceed to step 5.

5) OWN YOUR O:

It’s 2020 and as empowered, badass womxn in control of our own sexual destinies, give yourself an orgasm before them. Nowhere in the rules does it say “your partner must have the first orgasm after giving birth”. Have one yourself to see how those muscles are functioning and get blood flow back flowing.